For the last month or so I have been trying to deal with a laptop that will not charge. There is a little warning box that simply says “Plugged in, not charging” and gives me this statement about my battery being at the end of its usable life. Even when the computer is plugged into a socket it doesn’t have any power. When I was at 1% battery left, and with no luck finding a way for it to take a charge, I finally broke down and bought a new battery ($20 from Amazon, not $140 from Dell) to see if that would fix my problem. And it did, kind of. I now have 60% battery power from the new one, but it won’t charge. “Plugged in, not charging” is now my nemesis.
Is this also a metaphor for my life of late? Probably. “Plugged in, not charging.” In the last couple of weeks J-Mo and I have had a couple-or-three really sticky things to work out, and of course two of them are strictly in the unbloggable category. A dozen heart-felt thank you’s to those of you who have heard me out on (Unbloggable) Thing 1 and (Unbloggable) Thing 2. I am not at all embarrassed to say that I have re-read emails and gchats over and over, and have replayed conversations in my mind at least a half-dozen times to try to make a little more sense of Thing 1 and Thing 2. I know it’s bad form to even mention Unbloggable Things, but I feel like I must to put Thing 3, which has been the easiest of the three and is something I can talk about, into the right context.
A few weeks ago J-Mo was offered a job in another state. He wasn’t really looking, I definitely haven’t been looking, and moving several hundred miles away was not in our plans for this year. However, sometimes things just fall into your lap and demand consideration, suddenly your world turns upside down as you are forced to make a lot of spreadsheets and pro’s/con’s lists to figure out what you are supposed to do. All of a sudden I was trying to prioritize and assign numerical value to constants in my life that I have never had to quantify before. Are my friends and social life in Salt Lake more important to me than my apartment and are both of those together more important to me than being geographically close my family. And is being closer to J-Mo’s family more important than the stability of my having a job, and is my resume in a place where finding a new job in a new state would be a headache nigh unto the opening of the jaws of hell, or would it be mostly okay? Is this the opportunity for me to focus on a graduate degree instead of focusing on finding a competitive job? What kind of happiness quotient do I assign to myself as I move from a full-time co-bacon-bringer to a full-time student and bacon consumer? And what about our book club? And should that be assigned a lower numerical value because I can start a book club in a new city? For that matter, we can find a great place to live in a new city, so should that be as high on the list of concerns? Assigning numerical values and quotients to life constants is exhausting.
People, there was a LOT of back and forth. Should we stay? Should we move? Should he accept the offer? Should he try and use this offer as a bargain chip with his current job? Should he counter? Finally, we made a decision and I started making mental lists of what I needed to do over the next couple of weeks to completely uproot my life and move away.
There is a LOT that goes into packing up, moving hundreds of miles away and starting over all within three weeks. Highlights include: giving notice at work and to our landlord, starting applying for jobs in our new city, selling at least one vehicle, box up over 1,000 books and several hundred pairs of shoes, have a yard sale, finish packing, locate a short-term apartment until we figure out where, exactly, we want to live, call the movers, throw fantastic going away party and make the long drive to our new home. Easy-peasy, right? Um, no. Really hard, actually. But, the thing about a huge change like uprooting your life and planting it somewhere new is that the hardest part is over relatively quickly, like ripping off a bandaid* or getting a Brazilian wax. It will hurt like hell for a minute, and it may take a little while before it’s not so raw and tender, but after that it’s not so bad. (*Does it really hurt to rip off a bandaid? I usually notice the annoying left-over stickiness more than any pain of taking the thing off.)
The next day our decision changed again, and a few days later we made a final decision–again–and I put those mental moving lists away. J-Mo and I are not moving. At least, we’re not moving any time soon.
Let me back up a little bit. Remember how I told you that of the three BIG things we’ve been working with/around/through the last month or so Thing 3 was the easiest? The decision to leave–leave my family, our friends and social networks, my professional network and a stable job with excellent benefits, a really great apartment, the city I have called home for more than a decade–was a relatively easy choice. I love writing in new notebooks, and such an enormous change would have been like that, a clean slate. That’s not such a big deal, right?
Singularly? Yes. It’s kind of a big deal. Relatively? Not a big deal at all. Drop in the Bucket o’ Stress of Thing 1 and Thing 2.
“Plugged in, not charging.”
Over Labor Day J-Mo and I took a much needed road trip to Mesa Verde and Santa Fe. It was lovely, and I’ll be sharing pictures and stories soon. However, I’m afraid it was the equivalent of my buying a new battery. I went from 1% power to 60% power, but I’m still not charging. Hopefully, over the next couple of months J-Mo and I will make it through the painful tweezing and Thing 1 and Thing 2 will be moved into the “not so bad” column.
In the meantime, any good vibes or kind words you can send our way would be greatly appreciated.
Also, if you are some kind of Dell expert and can tell me why my laptop is “plugged in, not charging” I would really love some advice. I didn’t make that part of the story up because it seemed like a nice metaphor, the poor thing really is having issues. (59% power available; plugged in, not charging.)
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“I am worn out. My brain hurts and my heart is tired.” I know that feeling. I know it so well! Instead of the waxing & the plucking metaphor, for me it feels like road rash of the soul variety. And there’s not an end in sight to all this dragging around.
All of which is to say: me too. For reasons that are likely vastly different than yours…I totally get it. I wish I had more than a virtual hug and some empathy to offer, but I do have that! Consider yourself hugged, even if virtually.
I’m going to ask my husband about your battery problem though. He has a Dell laptop, maybe he’ll know!
XO
Comment by AmySo 2012 September 10 @ 8:47 amI wish I had better words, since it sounds like you’re dealing with a lot right now. All of the things I could say (it’ll get better, you’ll learn so much from this, etc.) which are true, are probably not what you want to hear right now. Those types of reassurances are always the kinds of things I can nod my head at once the trial has passed, but certainly not what I want to hear in the moment of.
So, just know that there’s someone on the other side of the country who is concerned and praying for you.
Comment by Melanie 2012 September 10 @ 10:27 amSending so many good vibes your way. So sorry to hear about the existence of Unbloggable Things.
Comment by Saskia 2012 September 10 @ 12:04 pmThat sounds incredibly difficult. I hope you’ll be able to work things out.
Comment by sandrainca 2012 September 10 @ 12:48 pmaw heidi, sounds like so much on your plate right now. sending all of the bestest happiest 100% charging vibes your way
Comment by Katelin (@katelin) 2012 September 10 @ 4:45 pmSending good vibes your way!!! Love you!!
Comment by vanessalchristensen@gmail.com 2012 September 11 @ 6:31 amBig hugs and prayers, friend.
Comment by Angella 2012 September 11 @ 1:29 pmxo
Thank you for putting into words exactly what I’m feeling but can’t seem to define or convey to someone else. Obviously we all have different problems and my heart and thoughts are out to you that you are able to work through your Things 1 and 2 but I am also plugged in but not charging and that statement helps me a lot. HUGS!
Comment by Kim 2012 September 11 @ 2:45 pmAs someone currently packing 123971298312 books, I can definitely understand your desire to NOT do that. Hugs and love are coming your way re: thing 1 and thing 2. If you need to chat, I’m around!
Comment by Britt 2012 September 12 @ 8:35 amI kind of thing of packing (and subsequently unpacking) books like opening up a box of beautiful Christmas ornaments handed down from your grandmother and great grandmother. They are dear old friends, a little part of your heart that thrills you to unwrap.
But, you know, there’s also the backbreaking work of hauling all those boxes of books up and down stairs and into and out of moving trucks/cars….that’s less romantic, really.
xox
Comment by heidikins 2012 September 17 @ 10:05 amOh dear. Crossing my fingers that everything works out smoothly.
Comment by Janssen 2012 September 12 @ 8:32 pmThank you, my dear!
xox
Comment by heidikins 2012 September 17 @ 10:00 amPlugged in and not charging is a sucky place to me. My heart goes out to you right now, and hopefully you can get some other weekend getaways squeezed in to get you up closer to 100% power.
Comment by Erica 2012 September 13 @ 9:49 amOh man, I am drooling over the idea of a spontaneous weekend getaway! Swoon!
xox
Comment by heidikins 2012 September 17 @ 10:00 amTo the battery problem: Ian says, go to your Control Panel > Hardware and Sound > Device Manager. Then delete anything underneath the battery drop-down. That will clear the device driver for the battery. Then upon restart it will reinstall the driver and should show 100%. Obviously back up before trying, but hopefully that should do it.
As for your other Things, I’m sorry you are having to deal with tough shit right now. Having moved out of state myself, it is a very big deal, even if you are completely sold on the move. So I can only imagine how the other Things must be. Hope you find resolution soon.
Comment by Sra 2012 September 15 @ 10:29 pmOooh, thanks for the battery tips! Will try that!
xox
Comment by heidikins 2012 September 17 @ 9:43 am