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Square One…it’s a nice, solid (albeit, slightly square) place to be

Hi.

Hi, Hi.

It’s me.  The girl who freaked out last week and disappeared.  I am slowly answering your many lovely comments, the amount of support I have felt pouring through my laptop has had me seriously questioning my power source.  I had no idea The Internets was such a wonderful place.  I mean, I kind of did–The Internets is the home of Google and Etsy and AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com, but sometimes I forget that on the other side of this foggy cloud of Internet there are real people with real stories and real lives and an enormous capacity for sympathy, empathy and love.  The comments, the emails, the phone calls, the drop-ins, the hours and hours spent talking/crying/sobbing to girlfriends (and the few man-friends who I can trust with my emotional messes) about  everything and nothing.  The people in The Internets are awesome, and I would like to cyber-grovel at the feet of every person who sent something kind, thoughtful, or humorous.  A single paragraph from a mostly-stranger has this wonderful way of brightening my entire day, and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.

That being said, I feel like I need to remove the Negative Points from my current state of being.

I am still unemployed.
My back still hurts.
The stuff with the people is still stuff that kind of sucks, but some things are getting easier.

BUT…but…there is a proverbial silver lining.

*I have a new stash of chocolate chips, and mint chocolate chips, and skor-bit chocolate chips, and peanut butter chips…the baking possibilities are endless!

*I have been reaccepted back in to the University, and in approximately 12 months I will finally have that damn piece of paper that says “You did it!”  This piece of paper means the world to me–I will have it.

*After a particularly painful doctor’s appointment where four ribs were popped back into place in my spine (ouchie-cha-cha!  Hello! that hurts!), the back pain has alleviated a bit.  I’m still uncomfortable, but the constant, throbbing, leg-numbing pain has subsided.  For now.  Pesky ribs.

*Over the weekend I spent some quality time with my favorite composer, Rachmaninoff, at the Utah Symphony.  I wore my favorite dress, I wore a new pair of (magenta! ruffly!) heels, I felt cultured and chic and even a little bit classy.

*Through a very generous donation, I will not be paying tuition. I’m sorry, did you catch that?  Let me say it again.  I will not be responsible for paying my tuition.  That’s right.  This is not a donation from Uncle Sam who thinks I should just finish already.  A real person, a flesh and blood kind of person, has insisted on paying my tuition until I graduate.  I was baffled at first (who am I kidding, I’m still baffled)–and then I started to cry.  And that has been repeated several times a day for a week.  Baffled, Sob.  Baffled, Sob.  Swab face, rinse, and repeat.  I have an appointment this week with my University to make sure I take the quickest possible path to graduation.  The rumor is that I will still have to take Econometrics (which is a mix between Statistics and Economics….and it’s scary!) and I am hoping they’ll change the rules by my last semester and I can skip it.  Here’s hoping anyway.

These are very small victories (except for the tuition thing…that’s HUGE!), but in a dearth of large victories (again, angels bearing the costs of tuition is an ENORMOUS plus, not a small victory), the small ones have to count for something.  I don’t really feel like I am quite to a comfortable plateau where I can just chill for a bit, take a rest, have a snack, etc.  But I do feel like I am emotionally back to Square One. The Beginning.  And it’s really the only place to properly start (over).

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