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The Sad Tale of Roxy and the Green Duck

I have known for a while that at one point I would have to announce the following to The Internets, I have been putting it off for a few months because it hurts to think about, let alone to see in tidy, even type.

Miss Roxy, my adorable red VW Beetle, has a new owner.

I’m sorry, will you excuse me?  I need a moment…and maybe an emotional tear or twenty-seven two.  (I wish I was kidding about the tears, actually, but I am not.)

[Swabbing face with Kleenex, reaching for bag of chocolate chips and giant glass of eggnog for strength.  Inhale.  Exhale.  Inhale.  Exhale.]

It’s true, I no longer drive that sassy little Bug.  I know that for many people 2009 was a crap year as far as finances and employment are concerned…I am no exception.  I had 4 different jobs–one of which failed to actually garner a paycheck.  Several months with absolutely no income is tricky…especially when the several months leading up to that consist of sketchy part-time fired-and-hired-repeatedly (un)employment.  In October I decided that I could no longer afford to keep my shiny new car.  The monthly payment and higher insurance were just too much for my diminishing bank account.  So I did the heartbreaking and responsible thing and gave her away.  (This is a bit of a mis-statement, I actually sold her with proper documentation and transfers of funds…but that makes her sound so slave-like, or hooker-like, and Miss Roxy is neither of those things.  Obviously.)

I miss my car, and I am honestly fighting back tears writing about this.  I know, there are so many horrible things going on in the world and here I am whining about a vehicle.  But please give me this one, okay?  I have had a lot of those horrible things happen to me, and in a consumerist, sick-and-twisted way Roxy was my happy place.  She was my “pocket person”.  A million ailments magically healed by taking her for a spin and letting her turbo engine do it’s thing.  (Again, I know this sounds uppity and selfish and horrible…I get it.  I just don’t care.  You may have children, or pets, or someone to snuggle when you were having a bad day.  I had a shiny car with some serious zip.  Don’t judge.)

I am not without transportation…not exactly.  I paid cash for another car, purchased from a family member, and I have been reassured that it will last me a year or two if I continue to take care of it.  It’s not zippy, or shiny, or sassy.  It’s not even rust-free.  I am now the disgruntled owner of a 1997 Dodge Neon with peeling aqua-teal paint and funfetti-esque seat covers named Mallard, the cranky, gangreenish duck.  I have already had to utilize The Boy Who Has Yet To Be Named and his mad Car Fixing Skillz to keeep the stupid thing running.  (P.S. Having a boy around with skillz is, shockingly, better than taking the car to the dealership and enjoying their free wi-fi and donuts low calorie health snacks.  The Boy will kiss you afterwards, while the dealership Grease Monkeys will just gawk at you inappropriately.)

While driving Roxy I would get excited when I hit 100 mph (which only happened once a few times under controlled circumstances…I’m not a crazy driver or anything).  With Mallard I get excited when the engine turns over on cold mornings.  Roxy had an ipod plug-in and much missed heated leather seats.  Mallard has speakers that are constantly on the fritz and I routinely scrape ice off the inside of the windshield.

Even so, I am grateful to have a car that runs.  I am grateful to not have a car payment.  (And I am INFINITELY grateful that six weeks ago when I hit and killed a deer I was driving the already dented and peeling Mallard and not Roxy.  Thank you AutoGods.)  But, I am already day dreaming about the day–hopefully only a few months off–when I can donate Mallard to a good home and zip around in something a bit shinier, a bit newer, a bit less like a cranky duck…and I am convinced that whatever vehicle I own long-term must have heated seats and a compass/temperature gauge…it’s just too many damn steps to look that stuff up on my phone.  Until then, I have been humbled.

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