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Let’s Talk About Boys

During my teenage years I was part of a girl group that got together once or twice a week to talk about the Super Important Things in Life.  Ya know, Life, God, Who We Are, Where We’re Going, Lip Gloss, The Latest From Lisa Frank, Leonardo DiCaprio, How to Marry Prince William, and Boys In General.

It was Awesome.  Clearly.

I vividly remember as part of these girly giggle-fests we would make lists that were importantly titled “Requirements for Future Husband” (what, like you didn’t do it too).  Fifteen years later I don’t think I could list more than two or three of those oh-so-important requirements, but I can almost guarantee that the “Tall, Dark & Handsome” trifecta was on there somewhere–which probably had everything a lot to do with my decade-long crush on B. who was tall, gorgeous, with dark hair and dark eyes.  The extent of this crush was really quite pathetic, and I am convinced that any “Requirements for Future Husband” list I wrote was (heavily) skewed to lead me to believe that B. was the only boy I could ever marry.

(For any interested parties, I did go on one date with B. when I was a Junior in high school, I asked him, it was horribly awkward and that was it.  Now we are Facebook friends and I still think he is gorgeous, in an appropriate “he’s married to someone else” kind of way, of course.  Ahem.)

Time moves on and I think there are only two or three of those giggly girls who are still single.  Single and Fabulous.  No question mark.  I don’t know about the others, but I have edited my “Requirements for Future Husband” list considerably.  For example:

Requirements for heidikins’ Future Husband List (circa 1996)

• Tall, Dark, Handsome
• Preferably Royalty
• Or At Least Own A Castle Somewhere
• Like on A Tropical Island
• Actually, He Should Own The Island Too
• Must Think Guinea Pigs are Adorable
• Must Play the Saxophone (see: fit list to B’s qualities)
• Must Want To Watch My Favorite Movies All The Time
• Must Tell Me I’m Pretty Approximately 738 Times Per Day
• Must Play Soccer (B. was a soccer player)
• Must Be Super Manly
• Should Bring Me Breakfast in Bed Every Day
• Would Never Make Me Fold Socks, Because I Hate Folding Socks
• And Dusting.  I Hate Dusting.
• In Fact, He Should Do All The Laundry and Housework
• Must Have A Private Jet (To Fly To His Island Castle, Obviously)
• Must Like Taking Me To Big Fancy Balls and Costume Parties
• Must Love Ponies
• Must Think Mel Gibson (my creepy old man crush at the time) Is Amazing
• ……….(ad nauseum)

In retrospect, this looks more like job requirements for a man-servant or a cabana boy, not a husband.  Thank heaven’s I’ve learned a few things, for example; Breakfast in Bed is rarely a good idea because you get crumbs in your sheets and syrup on your pillow case.  Now, I am still a sucker for brown eyes, but blue or green eyes are no longer a deal breaker like they were back then.  My current list looks something like this.

Requirements for heidikins’ Future Husband List (circa 2009)

• Must be kind-hearted and honest.
• Must love God.
• Must never hurt me (or others) on purpose.
• Must be hard-working.
• Must be willing to work on our relationship (most people call this “communication”).
• Must be willing to put “us” first*.
• Must be sensitive enough to recognize an awkward, uncomfortable or harmful situation, and man enough to do something about it.  I don’t want a fence-sitter.

*I realize at times work requirements or other commitments needs to be first priority, temporarily. I understand project deadlines and other time-sensitive issues that need to be dealt with immediately.  However, I don’t want a relationship that always comes after work, after friends, after the gym.  I need more than that.  (The short of it is I never want to have the conversation that ends with “I’d rather have season tickets to [redacted sports team] than be happy with you.” again.  Ever.  I am worth more than a damn baseball team.)

I am well aware that there are more components that are required for a successful relationship; certain levels of chemistry should be in place.  There should be mutual interests or hobbies.  Similar feelings about the future, family, money, etc.  However, in the Big Picture way of things, my current list is what matters to me.  The rest is just details.

Do you/Did you have a list?  Does your current Significant Other fit most or all of your requirements?  What are your deal breakers?  What can you not live without?

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