After yesterday’s post questioning and attempting to define Love, I had several concerned emails and texts wondering if everything is okay.
Things are okay with Handsome & I. Sure, I’d love to understand him better, to understand me better, and to understand us and how we fit together more fully, but that wasn’t necessarily what prompted me to write about love.
My little sister got married yesterday; Liesl is only 18 months younger than me and one of my favorite people on the planet. I am thrilled for Liesl and her new husband; the ceremony was simple and sweet and the entire day’s events were centered around their commitments to each other. It was beautiful.
All my siblings are now married, and many of them had insanely short courtships…and I really would like to understand how they got from where I am (dating) to where they are (married) so quickly. I really cannot fathom the kind of love they found so quickly with their now-spouses. I love my sib-in-laws, they are fantastic and I am thrilled they are part of my family. But, despite having an identical twin, this is one of those cases where I am convinced I must be adopted. My brothers and sisters all “get” something, and have gotten it for several years now, that I just…I just don’t.
And like so many sage wisdom seekers who have gone before me, when I don’t “get” something I ask the Internet.
**We have a family tradition to wear black to all major functions, including weddings. It’s classy, and easy, and I never mind the excuse to buy another lovely black dress I know I’ll wear again and again. Because we all match each other, and are typically the only people who show up in head-to-toe black, we look like a wedding party without having to don pouffy pink silk or teal taffeta. And due to the overabundance of blonde hair and fair skin, very few people would mistake us for Mafia wedding crashers.
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The wedding looked so nice! Are those little kids all your nieces and nephews? They are adorable.
I’m with you about the marriage thing, I’ve been dating my fiance for 8 years. He only proposed 6 months ago and I was still a little worried it was too soon!
Comment by Inna 2009 July 1 @ 5:59 amLOVE THE BLACK! and everyone looks gorgeous. congratulations to your sister
Comment by la petite belle 2009 July 1 @ 6:54 amIf it makes you feel any better, I don’t “get” it either, but somehow my sibling has. Are you the eldest? Maybe it’s an older sibling thing. ::Sigh:: I trust The Fates that everything will all work out.
Comment by Margarita 2009 July 1 @ 7:23 amlove the photos & black idea is very good, so good i may pinch it! LoL glade your ok
Comment by grungedandy 2009 July 1 @ 7:36 amAnd i don’t really get it either sometimes i think there is nothing to get it’s all just a game that no one wants to let me in on! LoL congrats to you sis & new hubby seeya hugya *G*
What a gorgeous pic! I forgot that you had a twin and I was staring at the girl next to you like… WOW, they look a lot alike! And then you reminded me.
Comment by Jess 2009 July 1 @ 8:47 amWell, there could be several things going on. Your earlier experiences have probably colored your willingness to jump haphazardly into a marriage commitment, right? Your siblings could have decided to make that commitment whilst in the infatuation phase, and as we all know, marriage or lifelong commitment always sounds like a good idea in the infatuation phase
Sometimes it works out after that phase ends, sometimes it doesn’t.
Comment by Sra 2009 July 1 @ 10:30 amMy family is basically the opposite of yours. My parents married after an insanely short courtship, but neither my brother (40), me, (37), or my little sister (30) have any desire whatsoever to be married.
I think it’s a matter of perspective. I think you have more. Insanely short courtships are NOT a good thing. You’re doing the right thing. As far as “getting it”, I’d say that you “get it” probably better than your siblings do.
Comment by sovknight 2009 July 1 @ 11:23 amDarling picture! Haven’t seen or heard from you in ForEVER! I was just thinking about you today and wanted to check up on you. Hope all is well!
Comment by Lisa 2009 July 1 @ 12:12 pmyeah i don’t get how so people can date and get married in such a short time too. i mean really, i’ve known matt almost ten years and that was just the right amount of time, haha. and if he had proposed any sooner than he did i’m pretty sure i would have freaked out a bit.
Comment by katelin 2009 July 1 @ 4:37 pmHere’s the thing. We all have some things, whatever they may be, that are our trials in life, you know? The important thing is not to give up faith. That’s the test you’re tested with. That was me too, so I know. Just hang in. Don’t cave in to anything. Demand what you deserve, and you will eventually feel what it’s like. Look on the bright side, you have been able to become very well traveled and wise in your life experience. Once your knot is tied, kabosh (probably)! You’ll start saving for a house.
Comment by Jen 2009 July 2 @ 1:09 pmOh, yeah. Open your options, too. That helps.
Comment by Jen 2009 July 2 @ 1:10 pmHey Heidi,
I haven’t been here in ages. My friend in Utah has a shoe business http://www.shoeparty.com/products/ and she asked me to pass the info on to other shoe lovers in Utah and in all seriousness….u were the only one i could think of. So it reminded me to come visit ur blog.
I think u guys look great in black. Your sister (bride) looks lovely in her simple elegant dress too. its good that u all know to wear black together. at my brother in law’s wedding everyone in the family wore black accidently and i wore bright red. so in all the pics i stand out (not that i dont already) a lot. haha.
On the whole ‘getting it’ thing and short courtships…
Comment by Durga 2009 July 5 @ 8:01 amu know how it is in the church…
as we don’t have pre-marital sex and date to marry in the Temple….there is a seriousness factor quite early in the relationship…people want to know if they ‘feel’ right and if dating for longer has any purpose to it….the person is marriage material or not. There really usually isn’t a whole lot of casual ongoing for years kinda dating with no big deal about marriage kinda view there.
Having said that, it is important to get to know a person as much as possible and see how compatible we are together before getting married…it will obviously avoid anything big popping up later on to deal with. But as you know u cannot cut people open to really find out what a weirdo they really are.
I prayed and asked for the Spirit to help me a lot. Not using Mormon lingo…but I seriously did. I wanted to think about M and marriage in the Temple and not feel anxious or doubt or scared. I knew that those feelings meant we were not ready and if I was feeling this after a year od dating…it was nover going to be it.
I knew the day I felt totally cool / peaceful (?) with the thought of me+M->Temple=Forever…M was it and it was going to be OK. No fireworks….no burning…just real good…a very its going to be ok feeling…a good feeling.
So, Heidi…sorry for the whole big long essay.
You know what you are worth. Is he worthy of you? There is your answer.
Beautiful family!
I wish I had the answers, but I’m also someone who doesn’t get it. I wish it were easier.
Comment by Nic 2009 July 8 @ 10:07 pmYour sister’s name has elicited “Sound of Music” tunes in my head. Awesome!
Comment by thecoconutdiaries 2009 July 19 @ 1:22 pmAre you the Von Trapps?
I’m sure of it.
Comment by Erin 2009 July 22 @ 1:22 am