Comments on: Whoever made you believe in True Love and Soul Mates should win the award for “Most Successful Con-Man In the History of the World.”

By: Evan

Evan — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 04:48:05 +0000

Answer (to last question): There’s no difference. Loving someone unconditionally IS loving them forever. There is no way to terminate “unconditional” love, because it is dependent on nothing, not even time.
I like the quote from Neo at the end of the Matrix trilogy (although it is on a different topic, I think it’s the same idea) when Smith asks him why he continues to fight.
His answer: “Because I choose to.”

By: miss chevious

miss chevious — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:11:36 +0000

love is indeed a process. not always easy, but definitely worth the time and effort. i have my faults and my boyfriend has his, but at the end of the day, he’s the first one i turn to for everything–good news, bad news. he knows how to make me laugh when i’d rather just mope and sulk. i say random off-the-wall things just to get a “my girlfriend’s taking crazy pills again” reaction out of him.

we get on each others nerves, sure and things haven’t always been perfect, but after 6 years i think we’re still learning things about each other. love is quite the little head-scratcher sometimes, isn’t it?

By: Jen

Jen — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:29:46 +0000

When I met my husband, it was a quick engagement. He had the majority of the qualities I was looking for in a husband. Those qualities were much different than qualities I’d always wanted in boyfriends. The main quality was that he wanted to be married for a long time, be loyal to one wife, wanted to be religious, and have children. Now, my husband is a piece of work, but the important bases are covered, for me. I guess when it comes right down to it, a lot of people don’t know they aren’t ready yet. Or the person they meet fits them, when others don’t. It’s alchemy and luck. In hindsight, I was loyal to a fault in my previous life, i.e., when I realized my previous relationships weren’t going anywhere, I still hung in, thinking things could change, and I was enjoying myself. They never did. Another notion about love is that there is no cookie-cutter for how it happens. It’s different for everyone, and has a lot to do with choices, in my opinion. Being married is a very humbling experience. Blah, there I got all those little tidbits out!

By: Mortis

Mortis — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 18:43:51 +0000

Unconditional love can be an easy choice if I choose for it to be. “UN-CONDITIONAL” No conditions I just love. It does not have to be returned, it does not even have to be accepted, and it makes no difference who the other person is. I can love a person as a person, and not condone their actions. I can love a person and not want to be in the same room with them. I can love everyone them where they are, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It is when I put expectations or “conditions” on my love that things get complicated. To say I love my child unconditionally would be a lie, for the condition exists that they are my child. Would I love this same person the same way if they were not my child?

Unconditional love really is simple… if I chooose for it to be… Oh, and we are all soulmates, but to accept that requires believing that unconditional love is possible from all beings.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:10:27 +0000

And might I suggest the wrench in the “no true love” scenario? The Carlsons. But I think true love only really comes about after 25, 50, and 70 year anniversaries. That’s how you know it’s true… that’s how you know it’s real. And I don’t think anyone can have prefect love unless both are perfect – and we know that this life probably doesn’t hold that – but it cane come VERY close. That’s my opinion

By: lacey

lacey — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:45:48 +0000

I think you pretty much defined love perfectly, for me anyway. As you know my hubby and I dated for quite some time, before we got hitched, but I am so glad we did. When we did get married, there were no “sparkles and unicorns and puffy pink hearts” well there were but they were ours, not the stuff on movies. We really knew each other, and we still chose to be with & love each other after that. I think i am more like you, i am not sure how people can get married after dating for a short period of time, but they probably feel the same about me and my dating for such a long time. I think it is different for everyone and you just have to feel right about things. it sounds like i am trying to talk you into marriage or something, that isn’t what i mean, i am just agreeing with you that love is hard, scary but totally worth it!

By: janet

janet — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 03:22:51 +0000

Oh, Heidi, you post so many questions here (and got some great replies). I feel like I am very much in love with my husband, but I don’t really believe in all the fairy tale soulmate crap. Sorry. There’s too much real life going on for that! But it doesn’t mean love isn’t great and real and powerful even if it’s not magical, ya know? I think the fundamental question is – do you love yourself? Can you love someone else without loving yourself? Can you allow someone to love you without loving yourself? Sometimes I think that is the barrier, and I say this because I know the times I have the most difficulty in my own marriage is when I am feeling the worst about myself.

Love ya darling!

By: Inna

Inna — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:04:18 +0000

I agree with Holly the Emily Giffin novel does put it into good perspective.
But I think there are always people you are more compatible with than others, people that make you happier than others. I think that’s how I define love.

By: Sra

Sra — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 17:05:27 +0000

Love is very complicated, and that’s why generalizations are not adequate. You’re right, it is very personal. I don’t believe in the one true love, and I don’t know that I even believe in true love itself, whatever that means. There are plenty of people in the world who could be a complement to you — not the piece that makes you whole, but a piece that goes well with you and brings out as much of your true self as possible. Of course, concessions and compromises have to be made, but ideally they are small and doable. I actually do not believe in unconditional love. I believe people can support and love others for their essence, and forgive little things in exchange for supporting the big picture, but I think there are always limits that are deal breakers. Even in families, there are times when you just have to write someone off because their behavior is toxic. Romantic relationships can be like that too (as you know, of course). You don’t have to bend and bend and bend to make something work. There is a time when enough is enough. There still can be love involved there, but it’s not a healthy love. I think the best partners are the ones who make you feel like you are still an individual but also part of a team. You will still be true to yourself in these relationships. And likewise, you will allow your partner to be true to himself. That is about as ideal as it can get. The infatuation period, which is the subject of all romantic comedies, is a puppet show. Mature love can follow that, but it often doesn’t, because often the infatuation love isn’t based on true compatibility, but hormones. Love is work, in a way, but it doesn’t have to be so much work, and if it is, it’s probably not the best relationship.

By: Angella

Angella — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:18:19 +0000

Wicked post.

I had someone once say the following to me, and it has stuck with me ever since:

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a commitment.

And because my husband and I are committed to loving each other, we work hard at it…and on keeping it fun.