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I miss someone.  And I miss him like crazy.  Admittedly, it’s been less than 24 hours since I saw Handsome, we spent last night watching the Olympics and making cookies.  Early this morning while I went off to work (more on this in a bit), Handsome headed north to West Yellowstone for a few days with his family.  Firstly, I have never been to Yellowstone, or Montana, and am DYING to see both.  Secondly–and sadly–I have “official training” all this week and could not reschedule.  Sniff Sniff.  So, I’m here watching reruns of women’s gymnastics (why, why, WHY don’t they have alternates in the case of injuries?!?) while Handsome takes in the gorgeousness of Yellowstone National Park.  And I miss him. 

So, like any love-sick girlfriend, I have been listening to songs that remind me of him, which–of course–only makes me miss him more.  Particularly, this song by Blue October, from their Foiled album, which he gave me when we first started dating(Handsome’s blog debut, click that link for butterflies).

Calling You, by Blue October

There’s something that I cant quite explain:
I’m so in love with you,
you’ll never take that away.

And if I said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more,
you never take that away.

Well, expect me to be
calling you to see
if you’re ok when I’m not around,
asking if you love me,
I love the way you make it sound,
calling you to see
do I try too hard to make you smile?
to make a smile?

Well, I will keep calling you to see
if you’re sleepin’ are you dreamin’ and
if you’re dreamin’ are you dreamin’ of me?
I can’t believe
you actually picked…me

[...full lyrics here...]

Unfortunately, due to West Yellowstone being, well, West Yellowstone, there is limited/next-to-non-existentcell service, and I can’t just call him up and tell him how much I miss him.  Sure, I can leave him a voice-mail, but I’m terrible at leaving messages.  I tend to come across as more pathetic than I am in real-life, and in case you were unaware: I am pathetic in Real Life.  (Please see first two paragraphs of this post if you are questioning my patheticness.)

I do, however, have a stash of saved messages from Handsome.  He is an excellent message-leaver.  He’s alternatley funny or charming or heartbreakingly sweet.  In fact, because I am pathetically love-sick and quite lonesome (my room-mate is also out of town this week, being all outdoorsy and stuff), I think I will transcribe a few saved messages from Handsome.  Ya know, for entertainment.  Or cheap romantic thrills.  Or something. 

Message 1: The Reassurance That He Is Available.  Not That It Was Ever A Question.
(laughter)  Hey Heidi, it’s me.  (laughter) Ya know, me. So…I was listening to the radio–oh, Handsome, yeah–so I was listening to the radio, and I just discovered I’m straight!  (more laughter.)  So, I hope we can still, ya know, be lovers and stuff, (laughter) cuz I’m straight and all…um….k, Love ya!  Bye!

Message 2:  The Hot, Funny Guy.
So, I totally saw you, and you looked totally hawt.  I saw you get out of that one car, and then go sit in that park by that one place…I’m trying to stalk you…and yeah, that’s it…Ok, bye!

Message 3:  The Adorable, Goof-Ball.
Hello my love.  I think you have forgotten about me.  You get your fancy new job, and then you forget all about me.  But it’s ok, I’m cool with that.  So, give me a call.  When you have a moment.  To chat.  Ya know, I’m just hanging out.  And stuff…just waitin’, ya know…sittin’ here…I’m just, um, just sitting here.  Just sitting here.  Waiting.  To talk.  To you.  Thinking that you’re pretty fabulous.  And, ya know, just sittin’ here.  And, uh, waiting.  Watching the phone.  It’s not buzzing.  It’s not–a know what I’m saying–it’s not, uh, it’s not buzzing.  It’s not ringing.  So, maybe you could call me when you get a chance.  I’d love to chat…and stuff…it’d be kinda nice to chat…so, ya know.  Ok, my love, well, um, you’re amazing.  And cute. And totally hawt…so, love you.  And talk to you soon…ok….b-bye.  bye.  bye.  bye.  bye……. bye.

Message 4: The One That Makes Me Tear Up.  Every Time.
Hi love, it’s me, I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.  I think you are amazing.  And I’m glad that I have you in my life.  Talk to you soon baby, love you.  Bye.

Ohmygoodness, I miss that boy!!  I realize I need sleep; 3 hours last night, freaking out about new job, no need to freak out about new job, it’ll be easy-peasy.  And I’m lonely; men’s synchronized diving just doesn’t do it for me.  And I’m all bloaty and living on Midol and chocolate, which does nothing to help put romantic relationships in any kind of perspective.  However, I miss him; it is palpable.  I’ll try not to be so gushy that you involuntary vomit all over your keyboard.  …  …  (cricket)  …nope, sorry, can’t not be gushy.  And I can’t figure out how to phrase that sentence to avoid the double-negative…which means it’s time to wrap it up.

Work is early.  I am lonesome.  I’ve been cooking and cleaning like a crazy person.  And I miss him.  And there I go with the gushiness again.  This is twitterpated heidikins, signing off.  Hrmph, I’ve been watching Bob Costas for too long; I’m starting to sound like him.