heidikins.com

An open letter to myself

Dear heidikins,

Sometimes you will have to stand by and watch, helplessly, while someone you love does something scary, or stupid, or detrimental to their happiness.

Sometimes someone who cares about you will have to go through the same emotions.

Sometimes you will need to stand by and unable to do anything, and watch while a friend falls; sometimes you can only quietly wait for them to remember you are right there holding out your hand.

Sometimes you will be the friend who is falling, please stick out your hand.

Sometimes you will want to strap someone down and give them Chinese Water Torture until they get it into their heads that they are acting like an absolute arse.

Sometimes you will only be able to dream about getting anything useful into their heads.

Sometimes you will cry on the inside.

Sometimes it will spill out down your face.

Sometimes you will scream in frustration at the top of your lungs, while safely sitting alone in your car.

Sometimes you will need a quiet place to sort through your thoughts.

Sometimes you will regret a decision, or a phrase, or an uncensored moment.

Sometimes you will regret censoring the truth, because sometimes it needs to be heard anyway.

Sometimes you will feel completely alone.

Sometimes you will feel emotionally crushed and physically drained from the group of people around you.

Sometimes you will need to listen.

Sometimes you will have to be the one to give the difficult advice, ask the hard questions, demand honest answers.

Sometimes you will need to bite your tongue and keep some comments to yourself.  Even though they are true.  Even though they may help.  Because sometimes, people need to learn the hard way.

Sometimes you will be openly hated.

Sometimes you will be completely loved.

Sometimes you will be forgotten or brushed aside.

Sometimes you will be hurt, and sometimes it will be you doing the hurting.

Sometimes you will feel like you are on top of the world with everything going your way.

Sometimes life just sucks a little bit more than average, or a lot more.

Sometimes will be better than other times, and unfortunately science has not uncovered how to calculate when, exactly, those tough times will start to take prevalence.

However, regardless of any obstacles life can will throw your way, please try to remember that someone thinks you are amazing.  Someone believes in you.   Someone will stand by you no matter what.

And when you find yourself thinking that you truly are as unlovable as you have always feared, will you please remember that someone will always love you, no matter what.

Love, heidikins

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