Filed under: All about me
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by overwhelming things; the architecture of a cathedral, or the sound of a classic symphony, the colors and depth of a painting, the majesty of the mountains, the smallness of my life, drifting along in the enormous universe. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by completely everyday things; the smell of freshly laundered clothes still warm from the dryer, finding myself wandering amongst the aisles of the bookstore, or my toes wriggling in new grass, spending the evening curled up on his chest listening to his heartbeat. And sometimes I just feel overwhelmed.
Sometimes I am just afraid with no idea what thing, person or event to blame. Sometimes it’s a good thing, one that forces yourself to learn something new or see something from a new angle, and sometimes? Sometimes it’s horrible. It’s like a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, a fear that you cannot explain and a distinct sense that something is wrong. Have you ever felt that something just isn’t right? That you just can’t put your finger on it and that somehow, something bad is going to happen? Yeah…that’s kind of how I’ve felt the last few weeks. And all the things that used to be therapeutic are not working for me. Writing? Didn’t do a thing. Cleaning? My house is shiny and my room has a new color scheme and still…nothing. Chocolate? Haven’t touched it…I even threw away a Cadbury Egg, half eaten and suddenly completely unappetizing. I know, I shall be shunned until next Easter.
What do you do when your sure fixes suddenly don’t work? What happened? Did they go on vacation without you? Rude. F’Rude. (That’s Beehive speak for “For Rude”, not quite as catchy as “ya’ll” but slowly gaining popularity.) Alright, so what I’m trying to say is that for some completely inexplicable reason writing has not been as therapeutic as it once was, and as everything else (most of which is also undefinable) piled up and started to topple I started to have that nervous butterfly feeling in my chest, the feeling that something terrible was going to happen if I didn’t change something. And Fast. Enter, blog-break. Enter, revamped training schedule for half-marathon. Enter, new books. Enter, new goals. Enter, pared down priority list. Enter, life spring cleaning. After several weeks, watch overwhelming feeling slowly exit stage left.
And re-enter the daily blogging hobby of a certain heidikins. I’ll try and keep the rants to a minimum (unless, of course, they are completely justified…and/or funny), and the witticisms regular. I’ve been haphazardly reading some blogs the last couple of weeks, but if something fantastic happened I want to know! I had to clear my feed reader because the blinking FOUR digit number was too terrifying to imagine. So, seriously, tell me what’s happened. Good news, bad news, funny news… leave it in the comments and make sure to come back tomorrow for another dose of heidikins.
31 Comments so far
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heidikins! It is SO wonderful to have you back! Even though I missed you tons I really admire that you were able to take a break for yourself and do some “internal spring cleaning”. I find that completely refreshing and inspiring. It was also great to see you and the boy the other night for dessert. I miss my heidikins so much and I had such a wonderful evening with you two. Love you tons and tons and tons!
Comment by Vanessa Christensen 2008 March 31 @ 11:47 amWelcome back! Whew – four digits in your reader! Yikes, good call on the clear.
I’m getting my puppy in a week and can’t stop talking about it!!
Comment by Laurie 2008 March 31 @ 11:56 amWelcome back! hooray!
Comment by Janssen 2008 March 31 @ 11:57 amWoohoo! Welcome back! 4 digits? Wow, I would most definitely hit read all.
Dubai in less than 2 weeks! Can’t wait
Comment by Margarita 2008 March 31 @ 11:59 amHi!!! I’ve missed you.. Nothing really big has happened to me. I’m boring
Comment by Molly 2008 March 31 @ 12:13 pmI’m glad you’re back. I must tell you, heidi, that your blog is one of my favorites.
And I can’t BELIEVE you threw that Cadbury’s Egg away!
Comment by Sra 2008 March 31 @ 12:19 pmsometimes i feel that way because everything’s been so… oddly perfect that something bad just MUST be around the corner. i’m such a drama queen. or pessimist. both really. lol
Comment by Michelle & the City 2008 March 31 @ 12:23 pmGlad to see you’re back to writing!
Oh, I too get that anxious knot in my stomach, not as much as I once did, but it still happens regularly, the worry for no reason, the jinx-feeling, I’ve learnt to live with it, somehow brush it away, since I know tomorrow or next week the feeling will be completely different. *They* say this often re-occurring feeling of overwhelming worry and fear of “the unknown” is somewhat typical for many women, I have no idea why, maybe because we’re sensitive creatures…? Which is of course a positive thing, if we just could stop worrying…
Comment by Pia 2008 March 31 @ 12:42 pmYikes, that’s a lot of posts! I would be overwhelmed, too.
Let’s see, did you miss anything? I got a walking tour of Scranton and met a bit character from “The Office.” I made raspberry squares. That’s pretty much it!
Comment by RA 2008 March 31 @ 12:46 pmOh I am so glad you are back! I mean you never really felt away to me given the email exchange but I definitely missed your regular posts. And I’m glad the break had its desired effect and that the overwhelmingness is gone.
Comment by Jess 2008 March 31 @ 1:04 pmYeah, nothing happened over here. Welcome back! And hooray for “Mark all as read”!
Comment by Operation Pink Herring 2008 March 31 @ 1:06 pmYou’re back!! Well, here’s what’s happened. Every one thought Brangelina got married but apparently now they didn’t. Britney Spears was on the show “How I Met Your Mother” and appeared normal. Victoria Beckham and husband are back in London while Tom & Katie are getting ready to move into their house. …xoxo
Comment by Amy 2008 March 31 @ 1:26 pmOh, darling, I so know what you mean. Sometimes that feeling of being overwhelmed just creeps up and explodes all over you. I just take deep breaths and pray it will leave as quickly as it came. It was fun to see you for two minutes the other night. We need to have a catch up session soon.
Comment by Steph 2008 March 31 @ 1:27 pmI never realized how much I enjoyed my daily dose of Heidikins until you said you were taking a break! I’m glad you’re back!
Comment by Jessica 2008 March 31 @ 1:58 pmRant away, dear. God knows my blog hasn’t been a ray of sunshine lately!
Comment by Laurel 2008 March 31 @ 2:23 pmaw welcome back! rant as much as you want, that’s what blogging is for
Comment by katelin 2008 March 31 @ 2:50 pmWhat you wrote here really struck a chord with me. I feel at the moment like I have one week where everything is right with the world, then one where everything is confusing and dizzy and not-quite-there. Back and forth, back and forth. I know next week I’ll be fine again and really things aren’t that bad at all, there’s just this little gnawing sense of tiredness and loss. Weird.
Anyway, it’s great to have you back!
Comment by Allie 2008 March 31 @ 3:44 pmWelcome back!
Comment by Z 2008 March 31 @ 5:16 pmWelcome Back! Well, I hope all is well now. Glad to see you got some things off your chest and things are refreshed. Feel free to check out the awesome vase on my blog!
Comment by Sarah 2008 March 31 @ 6:51 pmI’m glad you’re back. I’ve experienced said feeling – a complete unease with no remedy in sight – and then it passes. I find that sometimes we are just in an “awkward waiting” phase of life until what we need comes along in its due time. Sigh. Stinking due time.
Comment by Andrea 2008 March 31 @ 7:40 pmall i know is that i get to see you this weekend! how lucky am i!?!?!
Comment by Erica 2008 April 1 @ 12:28 amI think I have post traumatic stress syndrome as a result of my week long business trip. I’ll probably write about that today.
I just thought of you this morning and wondered when you would start writing again. Welcome back!
Comment by Lou 2008 April 1 @ 7:12 amHi pretty lady.
Let’s see..I still live in my apartment. I still watch too much TV. And I’m still bitter and jaded.
Comment by Isabel 2008 April 1 @ 8:50 amI don’t mind rants, personally. They make for good writing.
Comment by Thomas 2008 April 1 @ 10:57 amWelcome back! You can write whatever you want here…we’ll still read it!
Comment by Larissa 2008 April 1 @ 11:03 amI remember I had that feeling for five months straight. And then it came true. But, since you don’t have a daughter, and said non-existent daughter doesn’t have seizures, you’re off the hook!
Comment by Kiersten 2008 April 1 @ 4:31 pmps Whoops, also meant to say, welcome back! I love your blog; it makes me feel like we still see each other every day at lunch to scream our high school rage at the world.
Comment by Kiersten 2008 April 1 @ 4:31 pmWonderful to have you back! I have missed you!
Comment by allee 2008 April 1 @ 4:43 pmSo glad you’re back. . . good to know that no major ttragedy was the cause for your hiatus. I know what you mean about getting nervous and doubtful when everything is going well. I do that too, and then I just feel worse because I lack faith and gratitude. I also feel that sometimes blogging, as wonderful as it is, makes me focus too much on myself. It’s okay to take a break once in a while.
Comment by Melanie 2008 April 2 @ 8:59 amIt’s good to be good to yourself. Always first.
Comment by Liz Merrell 2008 April 6 @ 4:49 pmI know I’m late to the party, but welcome back!
Comment by Audrey 2008 April 11 @ 3:33 pm