Filed under: Nine to Five
I’d like you to close your eyes for a moment and imagine the following scenario:
You are holed up in a too-stuffy hotel room with sixty adults who have, on average, the attention span of a gnat. The promised “fantastic breakfast” was not bacon and eggs and fluffy pancakes, but was a depressing spread of stale bagels, warmish juice and fruit that looked (and tasted) like cardboard. You are trapped in a grossly uncomfortable chair and are forced to digest power-point after power-point, with presenters droning on and on about networks and systems and the marginal revenue from the last five years. (Now, usually I am interested in marginal revenue, being an economics major…but not when an hour is spent reading a power-point I could have read myself in 10 minutes. Ugh, I hate power-point.) Imagine your eyes glazing over and your stomach begging for a snack; your brain entering the beginning stages of all-out revolution, or mutiny, or something as the world begins to slowly blur into one, too-loudly carpeted mess. Imagine crawling under the table, curling into the fetal position and periodically emitting a soft, unintelligible whimper.
Anyone want to guess where I’ve been for the last two days hundred years of my life? I swear to everything I hold dear (shoes, books, ponies), if I have to listen to another power-point presentation I will most likely confiscate that red laser pointer thingy from Mr. Fancy-Suit Presenter Guy and attempt to blink him to death! (Next slide….) I am a woman pushed to the edge of sanity! I need fresh air and sunshine! I need real food! (Warm diet soda that I don’t drink and peanuts that I won’t eat just aren’t cutting it!) I need to get away from the co-workers with NO sense of an appropriate social distance. Seriously! I had no idea salespeople could be so pushy and overly in-your-face! I’m so sorry for those of you that have to deal with us them on any kind of a regular basis.
A memo to the Senior Vice-President of the World; (Oh, yes. I ran into him again. Literally. Orange juice all over my jacket and my -thankfully wipeable- patent leather mary-janes. Sigh.)
Dear S.V.P.,
A few suggestions for next year; no power-point, more snacks.
Love, heidikins
P.S. Also, Mr. Senior Vice-President Man, if you rethought Casino Night! + Open Bar! + pushy, boisterous, aggressive sales people locked into one room, you would probably notice a significant drop in sexual harassment complaints… I’m just sayin’…
17 Comments so far
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Mmmm, the thought of fluffy yellow eggs and bacon is makng my mouth water right now . . .
Comment by Margarita 2008 February 21 @ 8:35 amAwful presentations are an effective form of torture, especially with poor speakers. At my last job, creating presentations was like 75% of my role, and I did my darndest to get rid of all of the crappy effects and stupidness that people would put in. I would just be like, “Oh, you had those spiral entrances? I had to take those out because the file was just so huge…” Not to mention that you would have looked like an idiot.
Comment by RA 2008 February 21 @ 8:40 amI don’t have to imagine, I’ve been there. Now that I plan the meetings though, I’m a maniac about breakfast
Comment by Nic 2008 February 21 @ 9:10 amPower Point is such a good idea that has gone so, so wrong. It’s just too easy to abuse.
Comment by Jess 2008 February 21 @ 9:24 amPowerpoint is so over-used! I hate when people feel like making a powerpoint = fancy.
And bad snacks are a sure way to ruin any meeting.
Comment by Operation Pink Herring 2008 February 21 @ 9:29 amugh, that sounds like hell. glad it’s over for you!
Comment by Z 2008 February 21 @ 10:52 amwhat i’ve learned: never go into a meeting/conference/presentation without a laptop connected to the internet and a snack.
Comment by Lou 2008 February 21 @ 10:52 amM is a sales manager and well, I’m in general not overly fond of sales people, can’t say my mind has changed after meeting his colleagues or attending a limited amount of company parties… So I think I quite understand what you have been going through there. And in general too, I hate conferences and lengthy meetings, more often than seldom rather a waste of time, if you ask me. When you could be doing something useful, like work, instead…
Comment by Pia 2008 February 21 @ 11:02 amNo snacks!?! The horror! The horror!
Comment by Andrea 2008 February 21 @ 12:50 pmI gave a PP presentation at our most recent board meeting and one of my board members was like, “Power Point! Now you’re really ready for business school!”
Not a good sign, friend, not a good sign.
Comment by Laurel 2008 February 21 @ 3:00 pmOh good god, I think I would gauge my eyes out if I had to sit through a ton of those. I can only take so many.
Comment by katelin 2008 February 21 @ 3:20 pmYes, Power Point sucks. I remeber the all-day bank meetings I used to have to attend twice a year. It was mind-numbingly dull. I would sit there and just want to die. It was always so damn hot in that building and I would always get sick the next day from whatever crap food they served.
Comment by Leslie 2008 February 21 @ 3:28 pmUgh on the meetings but beautiful necklace! Happy birthday!!! Very late! When are we all meeting Mr. Handsome? The next BIG family gathering I hope!!! You are a gonner! love ya! Megan
Comment by Megan 2008 February 21 @ 11:13 pmYou can do power point OR casino night, but not both. (I think that’s in the Constitution somewhere…)
Comment by Trish Ryan 2008 February 22 @ 5:49 amYikes. Sorry you had to deal with that. People need to be a little more creative than the boring slide after slide with the varying 3 borders that everyone uses!
Comment by Sarah 2008 February 22 @ 8:53 ampowerpoint is simply the worst program ever invented. indesign, illustrator, fireworks, dreamweaver, photoshop….ahhhh, those are much nicer. trust me, i spent about 60 hours staring at ppt this week. including saturday. bleh.
Comment by lauren 2008 February 24 @ 1:45 pmBooorrriiinnnggg! I’ll never forget the Anthony Robbins seminar I once attended (sales motivation seminar) where we had to stand on our chairs and yell, and we actually broke boards in half with training, to show we can ‘do anything!’ At least at this one we got to stand up and walk around! Both were equally corny!
Comment by Jen 2008 February 26 @ 8:40 am