heidikins.com

How is it possible that in a world more-or-less populated by adults, passive-aggressive people still exist, still thrive, and still manage to get away with these little stunts that remind me of an 8^th grade gossip-fest/cat-fight thing.  Seriously.  I believe that the vast majority of individuals with whom I interact have mastered the English language.  It makes logical sense that if/when there is any kind of issue to be addresses, regardless of the genre that issue falls under, these people can construct a passive-aggressive-free paragraph to explain their concerns and lay out a plan of action.  No?  And due to my status as a real life “adult”, I think it is fair to expect that from other adults.  Furthermore, if an individual will not address me directly with whatever issue that is keeping them up at night, I see absolutely no reason to attempt to rectify the situation. 

(Ya know, I was hoping I’d  be able to somehow get this off my chest without screaming.  I gotta tell you, this rant feels GOOD!  January has sucked, and I am glad I’m squeezing this in before February begins.  Man, sometimes you just need to vent!  Continuing on…)

It is completely flabbergasting to assume that I am responsible to a) identify every slight or offense and then b) come up with the best possible plan of apologizing action that will c) solve the problem and fill the other person with warm fuzzy feelings.  I will be the first to admit that I make mistakes.  I say and do things unintentionally that hurt others feelings.  But they key phrase here is UNINTENTIONALLY.  You can pretty much assume that if I say or do something that hurts your feelings, and there is any other way that you could have interpreted the remark that would not offend you; I probably meant it that way.  I am not viscious or malicious by nature, I am not “out to get you” and frankly, I don’t have the time or energy to think up ways to hurt your feelings.  That being said, if I am aware of something I’ve said or done that has hurt your feelings, I will absolutely apologize -sincerely-  for whatever and try and make it right; but I won’t dig and I won’t grovel.  If you are unable or unwilling to tell me what is upsetting you, I do not feel any kind of obligation to try and make it right. 

This is the type of conversation that is absolutely unacceptable.  Please consider revising for maximum (or, rather, any type of) results.

“Ohmygosh, I am like, so mad at you right now.  Like we’re totally fighting.”
  ….We are? Why?
“Ohmygosh, like, I can’t even talk about it.  But I just wanted you to know that I am, like, so mad at you right now…”

“Heidi, what you did/said/wrote/thought/are really offended me.”
  …Oh? I’m sorry.  What did I say/do/write/think?
“Just think about it.”  (speaker proceeded to stick her nose in the air and then snub me for the duration of the event we were both attending.)

“I can’t believe how you treated So-and-So”
  ….Um, I’m sorry. I haven’t spoken to or seen So-and-So for over a month.  What are you talking about?
“Oh, you KNOW what I’m talking about.”
  …Uh huh.  Right.

Additionally, if you are the type of person who lets something fester for weeks, months, or years, please don’t expect me to know what you are talking about when you refer to “that time” from 3^rd grade, or even last summer.  I have a strict rule in relationships, romantic and otherwise, that I believe you may want to consider adopting..  If you (you being the other half of the relationship) do or say something that hurts my feelings, I have exactly 7 days to bring it up and resolve the issue.  If this window of time passes, I am required to immediately forgive and forget and am not allowed to bring up this grievance in any argument or conversation going forward.  This may not be the most brilliant or effective plan; but it sure beats holding a grudge for fifteen years. 

Wow.  I don’t know about you, but I feel great.  There’s just one more thing –ok, a few more things –I’d like to say and then I will close out January (i.e. the Month of Insanity) and begin tomorrow with a fresh slate: 

Dear So-and-So,

Whatever it is that I did/said/wrote/am, I’m sorry it offended you.  And I’m sorry you feel the need to drag this out seemingly indefinitely.  Go to a shrink, fight your demons, tell me what I need to do to help, and then move on with your life.  Stop obsessing about anything that happened last year, or five years ago, or ten years ago.  Get over it.  Be happy.

Dear So-and-So,

Please don’t try and guilt me into sharing my life with you after years of you more-or-less ignoring me.  If you want to know what is really going on, shell out the $3 bucks for the long-distance phone call and ask me yourself.  Stop assuming that because we are “family” you know everything that is going on in my life and how I am feeling and what I want.  You don’t.  And we’re only family in the technical sense; I do not respect your opinion, will not follow your advice, and refuse to give you any control over my life. 

Dear So-and-So,

You are a bastard.  Not only have you left scars on my skin , you have managed to infect me with whatever it was you caught.  Thanks.  I hope that certain, dangly body parts of yours shrivel up and fall off.  Do not try and call me.  Do not try the small-talk thing.  Do not email me.  In fact, it would be beneficial for all parties involved if you absolutely forgot that we are on the same planet.  I am not part of your life; I don’t want to be part of your life; I actually would like to forget that you ever existed.

Dear So-and-So,

Keep your nose in your own business.  If I wanted to include you in any part of my life, I would.  But I don’t.  And I’ve told you in no uncertain terms that I do not feel a relationship of any form between the two of us is a good idea.  It’s not healthy, it’s hurtful, it’s time to say goodbye.  I don’t want to hear about your vacation, or your new significant other, or your dog, or your promotion at work.  Delete me from your phone and leave me alone.

That’s all,
heidikins

Wow.  That felt good, and now all the above grievances will cross into the kingdom of “I don’t care.”  It will no longer affect me.  And, unless addresseed by the opposing party, it will no longer take up an iota of my attention.  Do you have anything you need to get off your chest?  Leave it in the comments and then let it go.