Filed under: Things That Suck
I have naturally albino-esque skin, it practically illuminates itself under black light. This is by choice; I wear SPF 45 every day of my life and even with several tropical vacations, I haven’t had a tan line in years. I have strict instructions from my dermotologist to never, ever, EVER allow myself a tan. I know that suntans can cause premature aging, give you skin cancer, wrinkles and all sorts of funny-looking sunspots on your hands and neck. Ok, that being said, there are melanin-saturated, anorexic skankarilla’s who walk around, in FEBRUARY, with strappy sandals, mini-skirts and teeny purses looking all tan and perky giving me a serious case of the suntan blahs. I realize that I will never be melanin-saturated, or a size 0, and my skankarilla days were over before they began – so why do I feel like a bleached baluga whale? It’s totally unfair. Now, let me get something perfectly straight – I don’t envy their sunbaked skin, I realize that in 10 years these skinny bimbo’s will look like they’re 73. But I can’t help but wish I had just a little mid-winter glow; not a skankarilla shade of orange, or an over-baked bag of wrinkles, but just a little less glow-in-the-dark might be kind of nice! Sigh… my own, personal team of airbrush technicians could definitely help me out here. But, until they show up I’ll just continue to shudder at terribly disturbing pictures of what could be and slather on the SPF 45.
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First, that picture is seriously nasty.
Second… don’t be jealous of the tan! I’m telling you pale and creamy is where it’s at! I’m really not joking either. I don’t understand the popular preference for being tan. You look beautiful the way you are… no sun tan techs needed.
Comment by Ben 2007 February 7 @ 10:24 amyou could always try the spray-on tan. or….next time you’re here, we’ll let you use our self-tanning lotion. you may look like an indian when you go to sleep, but it might be kinda fun.
Comment by Steph 2007 February 7 @ 10:31 amUh, that pic is beyond disturbing. I myself enjoy a little “natural” glow only the summer sunshine can bring. Just so’s I don’t look transparent. Fair works for you cause you’re a pretty blonde – but since going back to my “roots” as it were, darker hair and too light skin look a little goth-esque…creepy McCreeperson.
Comment by Andrea Jolene 2007 February 7 @ 4:06 pmugh. are you kidding me? this lady has got some serious problems. i’m a bit of a latina when i’m basking in the sun…but definitely don’t go for this look!
Comment by Erica 2007 February 8 @ 1:46 amI am also pasty-white. I am addicted to MAC brozer though…it makes me look alive in the winter!
Comment by janet 2007 February 8 @ 8:45 amHeidi,
I feel your pain. I’m here in wintery north China and even though everyone around me thinks white is beautiful, I just feel like I look ill without a bit of colour.
I’m not sure about what’s available in the States, but my ‘must have’ from England, for this exact purpose, is Johnson’s Holiday Skin Moisturiser. Body lotion w/a hint of self tan. It is AMAZING and impossible to botch. My mum sends over to Beijing
Check it out. It is perfect for a ‘healthy glow’.
Jessamyn
Comment by jessamyn 2007 February 15 @ 7:04 am